Mastering Anger to liberate your authentic self
"I just don't do anger"
I used to say this a lot. I honestly thought I didn't! I truly thought that anger was an emotion that was expressed by bad people who were abusive. I grew up experiencing being on the other end of a lot of anger and I used to think to myself that because I wasn't a bad person then I shouldn't to do anger.
The truth is, every human being has every emotion running through them. But we are socialised into only accepting and allowing ourselves to express certain emotions over others. The rest are suppressed with being busy, food, alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, shopping, co dependence........the usual suspects.
Generally speaking, the principal emotion men are socialised to express is anger. For women, its happiness, sadness and fear. Thus, women are socially pre-determined to be considered as more emotionally expressive. In truth, our humanity has no gender agenda. We all feel every range of emotion. We are however socalised into suppressing them.
For most of my life, I didn't even know HOW to express anger. I couldn't get to a place that I could drop down into and experience anger. I had done such a great job of suppressing it all my life. When I was really put into a situation that would have called for my anger to emerge, I would simply break down and cry.
A lot of clients I see either are unable to "do" anger and suppress it or cover it over with "being nice" adopting the "I'm a good person" role. Or, their anger is unruly, and it spurts out at all the wrong moments and gets flung at their loved ones.
So we have to re-learn about what anger is, as an emotion. We have to become aware that it is a totally natural, normal emotional response and be accepting of it. Then we can learn how to master its power to create safe boundaries and bring more positive change to our old suppressed habits and patterns.
It is so important to set free this emotion and allow it be expressed "at appropriate times" and "when it is safe to do so". It's like letting the top off a bottle that's about to explode. If we don't let our anger out, it's inevitable that the bottle lid will pop open when we least expect it and hurt ourselves or others. In the meantime, it festers inside of us causing all sorts of trouble to our physical and emotional bodies and our organs leading ultimately to disease.
My top mindful tips to mastering anger
1. Avoid flinging it
Remember that anger is packs a punch. It has a strong energetic charge and is necessary to alert you to when your boundaries have been crossed. However, we must never use it as a weapon against another. The key rule to remember is not to fling your anger at others.
2. Acknowledge it
When you feel anger brewing or boiling up, take time to acknowledge it within yourself. You can even say to someone "Im feeling really angry now so lets talk about this later when Im not feeling like this".
3. Understand it
If we are not sure if we feel anger in a situation, ask yourself inwardly if you really feel sad or is there anger underneath.
4. Release it
Engage in an activity that allows you to safely express and release the energetic charge of your anger. This can be:
* going for a really fast run;
* taking yourself somewhere remote and screaming out loudly;
* driving your car with the music on and singing or screaming with the music (with your windows closed of course);
* getting a ball and throwing it at a wall as hard as you can;
* bashing a pillow on a mattress.
Be sure to keep going until you feel all the anger coming out and being expressed. If you cant quite get to feeling anger, this is great practice for building up to it to allow it to come out.
Get your anger "out" - rather than getting it "on" with others or yourself.
Change your actions today. 'Be' with your emotions, love all of them, and love yourself for having them. They are part of being human.